Sometimes we have these little what ifs in our brain that leap up when we're thinking. Often and especially for the overly anxious thinker, they lead to a negative spiral and can leave us feeling stuck. Perhaps the what ifs are driving you crazy. 'What if I can't do this?', 'What if they don't approve?', 'What if it's not good? etc. etc.
Our brains are naturally wired to the negative. For every positive thing it is outweighed by 3 negative things. So we have to work triply hard to become positive. So when these what ifs occur, we should try to remember three things:
1. The reason we are questioning, doubting and wondering about the 'what ifs?' is because whatever it is we are thinking about is important to us. A good example is the worry we have sometimes when we are flying. 'what if this plane crashes?' Quite a common fear, especially for a lot of people, at take off and landing. The reason we are having this thought is because we value our lives. We need to remind ourselves that what we are scared of and doubting is something that is worth fighting for and that matters. We would not be worried about it if it wasn't.
2. We can flip the what if to the positive. For example, perhaps we're wondering 'what happens if we fail?' We can flip that and question that thought. 'Well what if you never tried?','What if you succeeded and it is more than you could hope for?', 'What could be the best outcome if you did succeed, what would it mean to you?'. There is always more than one way to look at a thought and a situation. Lets try and view our own from more angles and envision the best case scenarios as well.
3. Even negative what ifs can be helpful. They can help us be prepared for possible scenarios. For instance, say you see the road is empty and clear, even though normally it is a busy road. You decide maybe you should chance it and run across. But that little voice tells you, 'what if a car comes speeding round the corner and I don't see it in time? Maybe I should just take a bit more time and cross at the crossing?' That little voice is protecting us and perhaps we would be fine but that little extra thought could potentially save our lives. Maybe we don't always listen to it but that thought is occurring for a reason and we should try to pay attention to it.
Lets take ourselves to a place where we can see more perspectives in a clear balance that motivates us to move forward. Lets try to turn those what ifs around so that we no longer feel stuck or overly worried. Lets get curious and question our thoughts when they arise.
I hope that you find a peace and balance in your own minds and find the positive what if.
Lots of Love
Naomi Leila
Xxx
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